Saturday, January 1, 2011

Where to begin?

This is a post that I had entered into my first blog alomst a year ago. I have copy and pasted it here because I think it fits. and although my journey into the peace corps process started when I was 16, I think that this post expained a huge stepping stone in getting myself there. It was from March 20th 2010. Enjoy.

To start off, I will welcome myself to the modern world of online blogging. I met a friend recently who has a blog (I am not too sure about the exact terminology yet... time will teach me), and until then I had never really thought that it was even a good idea. To be completely honest, I thought it would be sophomoric, naive, and even slightly silly to create a blog. The thought of putting posts up so that the world can read about my life and my lessons in life, was not something I ever desired. However, lately I have gotten the itch to write again. I used to love writing, and have fallen away from it since high school. This friend that I mentioned is a great writer. Although I have only read a few of his blogs and nothing really substantial, his love of writing fired up a few embers from my writing past that I had assumed died out. I have been trying to write in a diary since I was little, but that gets boring. So here I am, writing about my life to everyone in the socialized world of internet and blogging.

I guess my next step is to explain my blog name. Although I have only entered this community recently, I have noticed that blog names are similar to an insanely immature competition. Well, let it be known that I am no where near a competitive person, and I would like to think my maturity is above and beyond. At first thought, I wanted to look up the most difficult words that I could find to create a name that would awe all of my followers into jealousy. Then I thought to myself, lets keep this real, I am no writer, I am simply a common college girl looking for an outlet to the emotional fatigue that is my mind. I decided to keep it simple and true to who I am. I am a wanna-be free spirit. I dream of all the places I want to go and of all of the things that I want to see. I dream about having a "wherever the wind takes me" kind of a personality. I dream of backpacking through countries I only read about in my annoyingly small collection of travel books. I dream of hiking mountains, camping in unknown areas, and trekking to places most people don't even know exist. I dream of sky diving, and cliff jumping, and just getting on a plane and going.I dream about helping all the people that I come across, and of joining the Peace Corps to do that. I have a personality that too fully processes another persons pain. I want to make the world a better place, even if it is only for a handful of people I come across in my lifetime.I want to change the world, for someone at least. I dream of being the best I can in all that I do, and I don't let myself have anything less than that. I DREAM a lot of big free-spirited dreams. I don't actually do them. At least not yet. This is where my blog name comes in. I was recently told that I am almost there, that one day very soon I will be that free spirit that I want to be (maybe not in those exact words though... who has a memory that good these days?). And so, I would like to start on a journey to become that free-spirited person that I am dying to be. One day I am sure I will get there, and I will write about all of the mountains that I climb, and all of the people that I help, and all of my dreams that I fulfill.

First things first

I have to be honest, I have been sitting here writing, deleting, and then re-writing the beginning to this post for at least half an hour now. I don't know if it is the pressure of it being my first post to this particular blog, or if it has just been this horrible concept of "writers block" that has been plaguing me since I read the questions to my Peace Corps Essays 4 weeks ago. Never-the-less after much contemplation I have decided to just delve right in and get to the point.

I am a dreamer, if nothing else.I get all of these thoughts and ideas into my head, and then I think of nothing but these crazy, amazing, fantastic thoughts. I become determined to reach my dreams no matter what, and 9 times out of 10 I am disappointed once I actually get to the outcome. I guess that is one of the symptoms of a perfectaholic. If you ask me about a my dreams, I suppose it is similar to a child seeing all their presents under the tree for the first time Christmas morning. Big eyes, bright face, big smile... anticipation and excitement in every look, glance, or comment.

Since I was at least 16, my main dream has been to join the Peace Corps, and to serve in another country. Some of you may read this and think, ok wait a minute, this girl's dream is to be poor, to live in unknown conditions, to have limited access to modern day living, and who knows what else??? Maybe you're right, maybe I am crazy. However, like the other hundreds of thousands of volunteers who have successfully made it though the PC process, I think about it and I see adventure, community service, culture, knowledge, skill building, experience...and a long list of other inspiring words that are probably synonyms for... Naive. However you look at it, the point is that the Peace Corps have been on my mind for as long as I have been realistically dreaming about my future.

I am now 21, finishing up college, and jumping belly first (ouch) into the long, terrifying,and exciting process called the Peace Corps Application. Wow, maybe I need to take a second to think about exactly what that means. Lets spell it out. This means piece of pie questions like name, date of birth, employment history, community service history, etc. It also means pulling out any and all financial papers that I have been nonchalantly throwing into a folder upon starting college, references, two essays (how in the WORLD will I sum everything up in two 250-500 word essays!?!?!?!), and doctor vist, after doctor visit, after doctor visit. This is just a short list of the time consuming process I have decided to undertake. Lets not forget the amount of waiting I will have to go through as well. I have heard horror stories of people waiting 6 months just to be medically cleared. And what if I do not get medically cleared??? Oh, but I am jumping ahead of myself... yet another downfall of being a dreamer, emotions run away from me constantly.

Lets take a step back. I started my Peace Corps Application on December 3rd. For months before then, I went on to the Peace Corps Website a few times a week and checked the application page for the day when it would say: When are you able to leave for overseas?... May 2012. Of course every month that passed it added on a month's option. In November, the list of choices only went as far as April 2012. I knew that come December, my option would be available, however I still checked as much as my silly conscious would allow. December 3rd came and I was having a TERRIBLE week. After a terrible morning I sat down at work and thought to myself "Oh my god.... its PC application time." In a matter of minutes I was on the computer and filling out the initial part of the application. What an amazing feeling that was. I spent the remainder of the day bright eyed and jumping with excitement. I could talk about nothing but the fact that I was officially starting my journey to begin my dream.

And here we are, a month later, almost to the very day, and I have spent the past 4 weeks staring at a blank page of my first essay. Much like the beginning of this post; writing, deleting, re-writing.... a viscous cycle. Along with my dreams, I have a strong determination, and no matter how scary this process is looking to me at the moment, I will get there, and not give up. Until then, I will keep dreaming.